i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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