So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My life is pants optional.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
