Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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