I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
