i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
