So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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