if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
