last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
