currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So squirting runs in the family.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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