im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
