it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
