I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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