Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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