Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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