He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
