jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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