i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize