a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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