i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
