Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
