Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
