A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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