I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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