Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
