i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
