remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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