How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
