I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
