Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
