Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
