i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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