I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
