i jhust puked up my retainher.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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