Quick, to the slutcave!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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