Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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