Whod you bang
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
