No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
