Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize