Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
