Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
