But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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