It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
