He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
