There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I AM VODKA MAN
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
