what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
