As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
