I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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