and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
