apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
