Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize