think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
