Four minutes until I can fart!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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