Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
