i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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