everyone is single if you try hard enough
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
