So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
