Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize