You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
