Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
