if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
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