omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
