Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
