Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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