I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
