He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
