I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
