i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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