how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How does it feel to date your dad?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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