im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
