What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
