Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
