Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
