saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
