I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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