I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
