Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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