Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
