He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Im part way to drunk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
