If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
