remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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