True but thats because hes a fetus.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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