Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
