What did we do last night that was yellow?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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